Nothing noir-ish, criminal or even remotely mysterious here…just a holiday tidbit.
I’ll steer clear of the brouhaha over radio stations dropping the 1944 pop carol Baby, It’s Cold Outside from their Christmas playlists. Yeah, P.C. I kinda get it, mostly don’t, and still think it’s just a cute retro holiday tune.
But I did get a real kick out of Miley Cyrus’ rework of the 1953 holiday-goldigger tune Santa Baby, written by Joan Javitz and Phil Springer and originally a hit (and kind of a trademark song) for Eartha Kitt…then again for Madonna on 1987’s A Very Special Christmas album and covered by many artists since, including Kyle Minogue, Taylor Swift and others. The merriment’s plainly mercenary in that song, but once again, in a cute, retro way. Still, I loved Cyrus’ take on it, kind of standing the song on its ear, all in a pretty charming skit.
In a Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon segment that was spot-on reminiscent of old 1960’s variety show holiday specials, Miley Cyrus argues backstage with host Jimmy Fallon over the implicit message in the Santa Baby tune. But once the band starts up, she has no choice but to head out onstage. Decked out in sleek red and green holiday-chic, Cyrus ambles into a festive living room set while Fallon and guest (and Miley Cyrus collaborator) Mark Ronson appear in green, white and plaid outfits right out of an old Andy Williams Christmas specials’ wardrobe archives. Cyrus takes a seat on a divan for her song while Fallon and Ronson clumsily cavort behind her. She belts out the tune in that throaty honky-tonk voice she’s had since her Disney Channel days and without a hint of Kitt or Madonna’s coy coquette, igniting some well-deserved mid-song cheers from the ladies in the audience. No diamonds, deeds or car keys for this girl, Santa. She can buy her own damn stuff, and would prefer equal pay, not being interrupted or grabbed at work. The song, the skit and the clowning around were all fun, and with the clip everywhere online, I hope it becomes a new holiday classic. Cyrus kicked some serious Xmas-ass.
The revamped lyrics are below, so a ho-ho-ho to you too!
Santa baby, I hear you got some presents for me,
I’ve been an awfully good girl.
Santa baby, still hurry down the chimney tonight.
Santa baby, I don’t need any fancy jewelry,
I’ve got something else in mind.
Santa baby, I don’t need your presents tonight.
Don’t want diamonds, cash, or stars,
Nothing that comes in a box.
No more fluff, I’ve had enough.
And I can buy my own damn stuff.
Santa baby, I bought a car of my own,
Bought it all by myself,
Santa baby, with zero help from Elf on a Shelf.
Listen Santa to what I say:
A girl’s best friend is equal pay.
So stop interrupting me when I talk
And don’t text me pictures of your (junk).
Santa baby, I’d love to know my ass won’t get grabbed
By some ignorant jerk.
Tell the dirt bag to put away the chimney tonight.
Put away the chimney tonight.
Just put away your chimney tonight.